Revisiting the Past

Flashback 33 years ago...

"Daddy, I came in first in class!"

"That's good! But do not be too proud, you are 2nd in standard - someone did better than you."

I never realised then how much the 2nd statement "but..." impacted my life. That was earliest incident I can recall about my perfectionistic orientation, and my deep fear of being 2nd best, and a subsequent struggle with insecurity.

(I probably yearned for some unconditional acceptance then - even if I was not first)

My daughter greeted me with the same exclamation TODAY. For a moment, eternity past seemed to catch up with me all at once...I stopped. I smiled.

"That's wonderful girl! Well done!"

I held down that 2nd statement. I resisted even asking where she stood in the standard.

(I did ask my wife quietly though)

I believe whole-heartedly that my dad loved me just as much as I love my daughter.

(And I can already see the same DNA in her - naturally competitive and just driven to aim for perfection)

But I suppose 28 years of knowing the God of the Bible has changed me forever. I learned to manage the DRIVE with appreciation that God loves and ACCEPTS me whether or not I met my own expectations or someone's expectation of me. That has helped me shake free of the fear of failure.

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

the hour I first believed

("Amazing Grace")

What a privilege! I have a chance to be involved in discipling my daughter to triumph over the old nature. I can close my eyes and envision a smiling, perfection-driven and yet FREE girl.

The daughter I love...